You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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