Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
