I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
