i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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