Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
