I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
