I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
