Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
