Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
