im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
