just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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