Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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