The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
