moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize