By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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