Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
