I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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