i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
