i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
