? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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