Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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