If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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