I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
