Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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