She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
