My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
