I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
