Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
