Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
