I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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