i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
3pm strippers are depressing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
