It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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