I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
