doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
bring money and cleavage
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
