I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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