Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
