She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
