Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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