I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
