dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His hands were made for my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
