So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
