EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize