need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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