Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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