he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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