We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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