just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
