Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
