hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
