her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
