I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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